Who Decides When a Girl is Mature?
We have agreed that the Islamic dictum states that marriage cannot be consummated with
a girl until and unless she has reached sexual maturity, such that no harm may come to
her from it. This of course leads to the obvious question: who decides when the girl is
ready for this? If this decision were to be made by the husband, then we all know how
this would result in chaos: so many husbands would rush into sexual intercourse, even
before the girl is ready for that. Therefore, the Islamic Law (Shari’ah) does not give this
right to the husband. This is a means of protecting the wellbeing of the child.
Instead, the decision is given to the father, who can decide when the girl is ready to move
into her husband’s house. In Islam, the decision rests with him. A father is the protector
and maintainer of his daughter, and he would have the best interest of the child in mind.
Who knows the daughter better than the father? A father will know how mature or
immature his daughter is, and whether or not she would be ready for marriage.
Oftentimes what happens in Muslim families is that the girl thinks she is ready for
marriage, but the father prevents her from this, based on her young age; this is out of the
father’s care and concern for the child.
A critic might contend that many fathers are perverts who would have no problem in
giving their immature daughters to sexual predators. However, a simple refutation of this
is that the vast majority of fathers are not perverts. If I were a father, I certainly would
care about my daughter more than anyone else on this earth, and I think that I would be
the best person to protect her from harm. There might certainly be abuse by some
perverted fathers, but my contention is that allowing such fathers to marry their daughters
off would not do any additional harm that is already present.
If a father is a pervert, he is most likely already sexually abusing his daughter even
before she is married off. Therefore, it is not like a law that prohibits fathers from
marrying off their daughters would be preventing any harm, because those fathers would
already be abusing their daughters! My point is that most fathers are the best guardians
of their daughters, excepting the perverts, but they would already be abusing their
daughters so it is a non-issue. Instead of taking away the rights of the father, the
authorities should take action against those errant fathers who are perverts. In other
words, don’t punish all fathers for the sins of a few isolated people!
Islamic Law (Shari’ah) is very clear on the fact that a father who is a sexual pervert—and
who exposes his daughter to this perversion—is stripped of his parental rights. Shaykh
Salih al-Munajjid was asked about the father who is sexually perverted with his daughter,
to which he responded:
This, by Allah, is something that would make one weep. Have things become so
bad that the fitrah (human nature) has been turned upside down and a father feels
such things towards his daughter? There is no doubt that this father is mentally ill
and sexually deviant, and he needs urgent and intense treatment for his heart and
mind, both psychological and physical treatment…
Wise relatives should be informed of such actions so that matters may be dealt
with. If that does not work, then you have to make a complaint to the Shari’ah
court or to the security services [i.e. police] in order to stop his evil actions
towards you…
It is haram (forbidden) for you to take your father’s actions lightly. You have to
ward him off with all the strength you have, and raise your voice in shouting for
help, even if that leads you to his being shamed or imprisoned.
If none of these solutions work, then we do not advise you to stay in the house.
We advise you go and live with some righteous sisters or with your relatives
where can live with them in accordance with Islamic rulings.
We ask Allah to relieve your distress and to guide your father and withhold his
evil from you.
To conclude the matter, the right—of deciding when a girl is ready for marriage—rests in
the hands of her father. But in the case of a sexual pervert, his parental rights are stripped
of him, so this would no longer apply.
In the United States today, it is the government that decides when a girl is mature enough
to be married off. And as such, the state governments set arbitrary age limits, which
apply to every girl in the state. But because of this, one finds great discrepancy between
states, such that one state allows marriage at the age of fourteen whereas another allows it
only at the age of eighteen. And in various countries, one can find even younger age
limits, such as in some Asian and African countries. Therefore, it is merely a matter of
moving state or country lines to marry a younger girl! For some odd reason it is
acceptable to marry a fourteen year old in Alabama, but not so in another state.
The Islamic Law (Shari’ah), on the other hand, is more versatile than this secular law.
The Islamic Law recognizes that in certain matters it is impossible to pass a blanket
judgment. How can any manmade law declare when a girl is ready to get married, when
in fact different girls mature at different rates? There can be no one-size-fits-all
judgment! It may be that a thirteen year old girl in Africa is fitter for marriage than a
seventeen year old girl in America. So blanket generalizations cannot be made, because
this would be restricting in a way that is not fair to everyone. It is for this reason that we
say that there is no set age limit for every single human on earth, but rather it differs
based on individual cases.
To take one example, some states dictate that fifteen years old is the minimum age for
marriage. This law was enacted in order that immature girls are not harmed by being
placed into marriage. However, it is not true that all girls under the age of fifteen would
be harmed from marriage. Rather, some girls might be harmed, i.e. those who are
immature. On the other hand, there might be a fourteen year old who is mature enough to
get married; the evidence of this is the fact that states like Alabama allow for a fourteen
year old to get married! Therefore, it would not be just or proper to ban all fourteen year
olds from getting married, just because some girls would be harmed at that age. Rather, it
is more appropriate that we allow those fourteen year olds to be married who are ready
for it, and we prohibit those girls from getting married who might be harmed from it.
Bassam Zawadi said:
This should be looked at on an individual level and not a general level. For
example, eating a Big Mac for someone who has diabetes, high cholesterol, etc. is
forbidden only for that person, if it will harm him. Same thing with Pepsi or
Coke. However, this is not the case with everyone else, since they won’t harm
them. [sic] Thus, we can’t make a general fatwa based on everyone, but it must be
looked at individually.
Ustadh Ayman bin Khaled declared:
The ruling of marrying at (a) young age is allowed (mubah) but the ruling shift(s)
from mubah to either dislikeable (makrouh) or haram (forbidden) or preferable or
wajib (obligatory); (it) depends on the (individual) case. If health science (is
used) to prove that nowadays women are more exposed to danger because of early
marriages, then this need(s) to be considered only on those who are exposed to
this danger…It is important to put in(to) consideration that bodies mature
differ(ently) from one area to another due to life-style, environment, health,
immunity, and so forth…The possible danger of early marriages…can be taken
in[to] consideration [i.e. on a case by case basis]…Each case has to be handled
separately, so if harm (is) to result by any marriage, then it (the marriage) has to
be prevented.
It should be remembered that the Islamic Law (Shari’ah) was revealed for all time, not
just our present day. It would be outlandish then for God’s Divine Law to state that girls
under the age of fifteen may not be married. What about all the cultures and civilizations
in the pre-modern era that used to engage in such early marriages? In this book, we have
thoroughly documented how it was a worldwide phenomenon in the ancient (and not so
ancient) world to get married at such a young age. If the Islamic Law created an age
limit like fourteen or fifteen, then this would make God’s Holy Law obsolete for so many
thousands of years, when all of humanity used to marry their young daughters off.
Therefore, the Islamic Law (Shari’ah) is more dynamic than this, and sets forth a
principle, namely that a girl may be married off when she is sexually mature enough that
no harm is done to her. As such, the Islamic Law is all-encompassing. There might be
some fifteen year old girls who are not ready for marriage due to their sexual immaturity,
and as such, they would be forbidden from it. On the other hand, a fourteen year old girl
might be ready for marriage, and thus the Islamic Law allows for that. This is a more just
law, and takes into account that girls mature at different rates. As such, the best decider
would be the father, who loves his daughter a great deal and would not want any harm to
come to her from it.